Zombieland USA
by Rachie-girl
Summary: I just saw Zombieland and got struck by inspiration. This is about my OC St. Louis and how she wiggles her way into the family of four as in Zombieland. I know I suck at summaries. Please read, and then review. Columbus/Wichita couple still. T just cause.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own the movie Zombieland or the cities of Tallahassee, Little Rock, Wichita, Columbus, or St. Louis. Nor do I own the big black truck mentioned in my story. The only thing within this story that I own is the plot and the character of St. Louis.**

**I just saw the movie Zombieland and it is the best movie in the world! I LOVE IT!!!!! If you haven't seen it yet then you're living an incomplete life and you must see it A.S.A.P!!!!!! Hope you like my story!!!!**

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St. Louis ran screaming down the street. A mob of bloody and hungry zombies chasing her. She could hear the squishing of the few with broken ankles or limbs within the group, but mainly just the grumbling and groaning of blood-thirsty zombies. She screamed again, and prayed silently to some god or deity or anything mightier than her to help her get out of this mess.

As she ran down the street, she thought back to just a few weeks earlier, before patient 0 ate that mad cow infested burger. She had always been paranoid. She had stolen a whole arson of weapons before she was 13, preparing for the zombie-apocalypse, or any apocalypse really. She hid them all in the attic, where her parents had no hope of finding them. She started storing up the food like a squirrel before winter, and she was the one people tried to rob when the plague hit. But no one ever actually stole anything. While her parents slept at night, she would go out and practice with her guns. By the time the zombies came, she was very good at it.

Sarah stumbled, but kept her balance this time. She wished she had her gun, but she dropped it when the hungry bastards surprise attacked her. The horde of crazy re-animated bodies behind her was growing, and she was getting tired. She tripped. The ground came up to meet her and she quickly spun around onto her butt and tried to scoot away. They were only 2 feet away when a big black truck ran right over the front of the group. The door swung open and hit one of the survivors in the head, breaking it's neck. She heard what sounded like a cowboy laughing.

The car came to a stop and out jumped Carmen Electra carrying an AK-47, followed by Nick from Nick and Nora's Infinite Playlist. He was carrying and double-barrel shotgun. A little 12 year-old got out and joined the gun show with a revolver. Finally the cowboy she had heard laughing earlier jumped out and began to beat the crap out of a zombie with a banjo. She jumped up and, ignoring the pain in her arms and legs, opened the back door of the car and grabbed the biggest gun she could carry. She ran to the other side and began shooting with them. The cowboy was now using a weed-whacker, and she was impressed by how many zombies he was killing with it.

The cowboy killed the last zombie with a loud, 'YYYEEEEEHHHHHAAAWWWW!', and threw the weed-whacker to the ground. He looked up, breathing hard, and pointed at her, "Who are you?"

"Ummm....St. Louis." He nodded.

"Tallahassee, this here is Wichita," He said pointing to the older girl, "Little Rock," the little kid, "and Columbus." She smiled and waved at them all.

"Oh. Ummm, I guess this is yours." She said handing him the borrowed gun.

"Here I'll take that." Columbus said. He took the gun and put it in the back seat.

"So, where you headed?" Wichita asked.

"North. I heard it's better up there." Tallahassee, shook his head.

"Well up North heard that it's better down South. And East heard that it's better West and blah blah blah." He took a swig of some alcohol, and then offered her some, which she accepted.

"I guess I'm just hoping." She shrugged and passed the bottle to Columbus who had returned. He took a sip, choked, and passed it to Wichita.

"It's what we're all doing." Wichita smiled and took a drink.

"You guys mind if I hang with you? At least for a little while?" she smiled nervously.

"Sure, hop in." Tallahassee said, resting his gun on his shoulder.

"Thanks." She was surprised at how quickly they trusted her, but seeing there were more zombies coming from every direction, it wasn't very hard to guess why. She jumped in the back seat along with Columbus and Tallahassee. Wichita got in the passenger's seat, and Little Rock got in the driver's seat, which kinda scared St. Louis at first. After a few minutes however, it became apparent that she could drive pretty well.

"How many times have you driven?" She asked, leaning forward. She didn't want to tap her on the shoulder for fear she might distract her.

"This is my second time." She said, not taking her eyes off the road.

"Second time?!?!?!" She screeched, her voice sliding up an octave. She slid back into her seat and buckled her seat belt with shaky fingers. They hit a few zombies, clearing a path through the mob. Tallahassee laughed and rolled down the window and began shooting them away from the car.

"Don't worry, I've only crashed a few times." Her eyes opened even wider, and grabbed onto the arm closest to her.

Little Rock looked back and rolled her eyes, "I'm just kidding."

St. Louis relaxed a little, enough to let go of Columbus's arm and apologize for almost breaking it, "Sorry. I...I didn't mean to....ummm...yeah. Sorry." She noticed Wichita looking at her strangely. She looked at her, confused. Wichita looked away, and then shook her head, like she was trying to clear her mind. They got onto the highway, and there were no more zombies, which relaxed her even more.

Columbus said it was no problem, but it was obvious his arm hurt. She thought over the strange look Wichita gave her before pushing the thought out of her mind.

"So, what brings you to the parking lot of Pacific Playland?" Tallahassee asked her. Now that the zombies were gone the questioning would begin.

"Well, I saw the rides turn on and I came over. I knew zombies couldn't turn the rides on so it had to be a live human." She shrugged and continued, "I thought it would be nice to see some one else who wasn't trying to eat me."

Columbus seemed appeased by this answer, but Tallahassee still didn't seem to like her very much. She stuck her tongue out at him when he looked away, and then flipped him off.

St. Louis looked out the window, and Columbus, Tallahassee and Wichita began talking. She tuned them out until the started talking about their personal awesome zombie kill experience, or 'Zombie Kill of the Week'. She began listening at that point. Columbus started talking about Sister Cynthia Nickerbocker and a piano. She thought it over a few seconds before an idea popped into her head. But before she could think it over very much she was distracted.

They began to pull off the highway, and she looked up and began to ask why, but she then noticed that the tank was almost on empty. They pulled into a Gas n' Gulp, which she highly distrusted. The first zombie had eaten a bad burger at a Gas n' Gulp and now the entire world was a horror film.

Tallahassee jumped out and began to beat the crap out of a zombie with a garden tool of some kind. You know the ones you use when you're trying to break up the ground to plant stuff, that type of garden tool. She made a promise then and there to never get on his bad side.

She jumped out and grabbed a gun. She quietly walked inside the gas station. Columbus close behind her and Wichita close behind him. She had a feeling going in quietly wasn't exactly Tallahassee's style, so she decided it would be best if she didn't tell him and just let him and Little Rock stay outside and defend the truck. She quietly whispered to them to split up. She went solo towards the freezers while they headed to the cash register. She peeked down every aisle and, seeing only body parts but no bodies, assumed it was safe to stand. She stood up slowly, and was just beginning to stretch when she heard a gargling sound. She slowly turned around, and there was the cashier, or at least what was left of him. She stood frozen for a second before survival kicked in and she ran for it. Not because she was scared, she was very aware of the loaded gun in her hand, but because she wanted zombie kill of the week.

She head for the freezer. He followed after her, spitting up blood like a baby spitting up food. She stopped at the very last freezer section and turned and waited for him. Once he was 1 foot away she opened the glass door. He slammed into it and you could hear the crack as his head split open. She grabbed a can of anti freeze on the shelf next to her, shook it up, and shoved it down the still hungry fatty's throat. He aimed for her hand but missed. She was surprised he ate the whole thing in one bite, she was just hoping he would get it stuck in his throat.

She ran away, he followed, and when she was right in front of the cashier desk where Columbus and Wichita were, she turned and shot him in the stomach, hitting the swallowed bottle of antifreeze. She jumped over the counter and pulled them down with her. The cashier exploded, like he had eaten a lit bomb.

Tallahassee ran inside, and looked around at all of the pieces of zombie on the various walls. "Where the hell did you learn to do that?" he said as he looked around in awe.

"The Land of the Lost." She said and shrugged. St. Louis stood up along with Columbus, who reached down to help Wichita up, asking her if she was okay. "So.....Zombie kill of the week?"

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**So, how'd I do. P.S. I love the movie The Land of the Lost too. I'm open to suggestions and new characters as well. Plus, I don't know exactly where this story is going, so it might just end suddenly. Unless..........you reviewers and writers out there on fanfiction can give me some plot ideas. I'm having writer's block. **

**So, review please! And see Zombieland! BYE!**

**Rachie-girl~**


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland, or any city in any town anywhere. Once again, I own only the plot and the character of St. Louis.

Hello out there! I just saw the movie Paranormal Activities! So scary!!!!! But kinda silly and funny too. You should see it. Anyway, I hope you guys like my story. And construcively critisize it too please! I want my story to be totally awesome, and unless you guys tell me what totally awesome is to you, it's just gonna be plain old awesome.

Review pretty please!!!!

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_She ran away, he followed, and when she was right in front of the cashier desk where Columbus and Wichita were, she turned and shot him in the stomach, hitting the swallowed bottle of antifreeze. She jumped over the counter and pulled them down with her. cashier exploded like he had eaten a lit bomb._

_Tallahassee ran inside, and looked around at all of the pieces of zombie on the various walls. "Where the hell did you learn to do that?" he said as he looked around in awe._

_"The Land of the Lost." She said and shrugged. St. Louis stood up, and reached down to help Wichita up, asking her if she was okay. "So.....Zombie kill of the week?"_

_...._

Tallahassee shrugged, "It wasn't that impressive."

St. Louis's jaw dropped, "Not that impressive? I made a zombie explode! I'd like to see you do better!"

"Is that a challenge?" Tallahassee narrowed his eyes and stood right in front of her.

"Uh, duh Jethro! Do you want me to write you an invitation?" She said, getting up in his face as well.

She thought for a moment about the promise she had made not to get on his bad side, but then thought 'Screw it' and decided being on his bad side would be much more fun.

She heard the click of a gun being cocked, and she saw out of the corner of her eye a gun being pointed at her face. She smiled slightly, and in under a second had her gun pressed to Tallahassee's stomach. He looked down for a second, and in that time she grabbed his gun out of his hand. She pointed both guns at him.

Little Rock grabbed her gun and pointed it at St. Louis, who pointed her other gun at Little Rock. Wichita pulled out her gun and pointed it at St Louis, and Wichita passed Tallahassee a gun, and so it was three against one. She hated being in these types of situations but Tallahassee was severely pissing her off.

"Oh come on guys! We have much bigger problems then who gets Zombie kill of the week!" Columbus said.

"Fine." St' Louis said through gritted teeth as she lowered her weapon, "But this isn't over."

"I'm just getting started." Tallahassee said as he lowered his gun, which made Little Rock and Wichita lower theirs as well. St. Louis walked back to the refrigerated section, still steaming. She stared at the glass for a few seconds, trying to melt it with the force of her glare. Realizing that wasn't going to work, she flipped her gun around and began to swing at it with the hilt of her weapon. She began letting out a long stream of curse, mainly involving the words redneck, hillbilly, 'your mom', and the f bomb.

Once she had properly vented, she reached through the destroyed glass and grabbed a 6 pack of Sam Adams. She also grabbed some Budweisers and a soda for Little Rock. She headed back to the car, feeling a LOT better. She began to whistle as she walked, she didn't know what she was whistling though.

She piled the beers on the floor and then turned around and headed back inside. Little Rock was enjoying a bag of chips explaining the whole Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus thing the Tallahassee, who was walking through the aisles looking for a Twinkie. Meanwhile Columbus and Wichita were off talking in front of the freezers.

St. Louis headed towards the junk food. She grabbed a hostess cupcake and one of those apple fruit pie things. She put them in her jacket pocket, and tore into a pack of pretzels.

She looked up when Tallahassee began cursing about not finding any Twinkies. She laughed slightly, almost choking on the pretzels.

They decided it was time to go, so she followed them outside and sat down in the backseat. She grabbed a Sam Adams, and handed one to everyone else. She had downed her second before anyone else had even finished their first one, and she was already beginning to feel the effects. Everyone always told her she was a cheap drunk, and they were right. It didn't take much to make her pass out. The most she's had was probably six beers, and she didn't wake up until nearly 20 hours later.

She handed everyone else another beer, and helped herself to a third one. Everyone started becoming all blurry, and they were talking funny. "I think you've had enough." Columbus told her, but he was turning purple so she decided to ignore him.

"No. I assure you I am cone sold stober." She said, pointing her finger at one of his swirling faces, "I'm tired." she collapsed onto Tallahassee's shoulder, spilling her drink onto him and Little Rock. She slurred-ly apologized to Little Rock and laughed at Tallahassee (who, no surprise, was cursing at her) before passing out.

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**I know, weak ending. But it's a requirement for my stories that at least one chapter has to end with the main character passing out. Well, I'm tired, so I'm going to bed. School tomorrow, sad. Sorry.**

**Review!!!**

**Rachie-girl~**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland or anything else really. I wish I did, but we can't always get what we want.**

**Yes, I did steal those words from a song. So what, sue me. Not really....It's just an expression. I won't waste any more of you time. Here's the story.**

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St. Louis felt something tickling her face. Immediately she thought of a spider and, without thinking, her hand flew to her face to smack the invasive bug. Instead of bug guts she got wipped cream smashed all over her face.

Tallahassee started howling with laughter while everyone else just laughed normally.

"Haha, very mature." She said, her voice laced with venom. She sat up and pulled Tallahassee's hat off of his head and wiped as much whip-cream as she could onto it and shoved it in his face, getting whip cream all over him too. She sat back, and then flinched. Sunlight plus hangover equals massive headache.

St. Louis let out a groan. Her hand went up to her head, which felt like it was about to explode.

"Does anybody have any Aspirin?" She said, sheilding her eyes from the sun that on any other day would have seen slightly dim but today seemed brighter than ever.

"Umm actually Aspirin would make your hangover worse, you really should just drink a lot of water." Columbus said.

"I don't care what I take just give me something." She held her hand out in his general direction. She didn't mean to be rude to him or anything but her head _hurt._

Columbus handed her a bottle of water. She downed it in record time. She felt a little better. She finally opened her eyes, and looked around. Wichita was driving, Columbus in the passenger's seat, Little Rock sitting next to her and Tallahassee sitting next to Little Rock.

"How long was I out for?" She asked, rubbing her temple.

"About 4 or 5 hours" Little Rock said, checking her watch first. St. Louis thought about what she remembered from last night. She remembered drinking 3 beers, spilling some on Tallahassee (funny, she would have to apologize for that later though), and then falling asleep against the window. Her hangover was better, but she knew she would feel it for at least a couple more hours.

She briefly wondered where they got the whip cream, but decided it would be safer not to ask. She didn't exactly know these people, and she was 76% sure the cowboy might be 'kinky' like that.

She thought over the dilemma of having to apologize to Tallahassee. She didn't like him, that was obvious. She just couldn't get along with him. They were so similar in certain aspects, but they were extremely different in others.

For starters, they had completely different views on fashion. She was wearing tennis shoes, shorts, a blue short sleeved shirt with 'Aero' written across it in sparkly letters, and a gray jacket. He was wearing cowboy boots, levi's, a black shirt, and a snakeskin jacket plus a cowboy hat. Whether or not that jacket was made of real snakeskin she did not know.

Moving past the shallow aspects of their differences, she thought about other things. She went in quietly, he went in with guns blazing and banjos at the ready. He had to have more than 3 beers to pass out, he was completely obsessed with twinkies, and he really seemed like a modern day red neck. Plus he was rude, obnoxious, and smelled like old ham.

While she was thinking about her endless list of his opposite qualities, she couldn't help but think about his similar qualities. They were around the same age, she was 31 (though she looked around 27, a fact she was proud of) and he was in his mid-to-late 30's. That's 4 to 8 years, and if the average person lives 80 years, that's basically nothing. They were both very vocal and very easily pissed off. They both liked to drink and drive and drink without driving. But most importantly, they were both head strong, which was why they couldn't stand each other. They had the dominant personalities. And there couldn't be two dominants within one group. They would butt heads until one of them died, left, or was forced out.

If they were to force someone out of their little group, she knew it would be her. Those four were like family, they loved each other on some levels and they trusted and looked after each other. Sure some of them would feel guilty, but they would eventually forget about her.

St. Louis sighed, and began to chew on her fingernails. She didn't want them to kick her out, not just yet. She was just beginning to like them, and they were the only people within a 1,000 miles who would have her for dinner without her being the main course. She couldn't lose people, not again.

She reached into her back pocket, and pulled out her wallet. She flipped it open and stared at the picture inside. She gently touched the photo of herself and the smiling little girl, then flipped it closed. She took a deep breath, then looked over to Tallahassee.

"Tallahassee, listen close because I'm only gonna say this once and you will probably never hear it again. I'm sorry for spilling my drink on you, even though it was funny." There, that wasn't so hard. Be the mature one.

He raised his eyebrows. He looked skeptical, like she was lying.

"Uh, ok." She looked away, she wasn't going into it any further. Her point was made. She would do anything to stay with them, even apologize to Tallahassee. That was a big step for her.

She pulled out her wallet again, and looked at the little girl. She smiled sadly. She didn't like Tallahassee in the least, but she couldn't be alone again, she couldn't take it. She opened another compartment of the wallet and pulled out a kindergartner's drawing of a house and a dog and two little stick figure people. They were holding hands next to the house with the doggie barking next to them. St. Louis gave the picture a real smile, before tucking it back into her wallet and her wallet back into her pocket.

"Who's that?" The voice made her jump nearly a foot off of her seat. She turned to see Little Rock's face right next to hers. She gently pushed her about a foot away.

"No one. Can we stop somewhere? Thanks to someone" glared at Tallahassee, "I have whip cream all over my face." She said, quickly changing the subject.

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**Who is this mysterious and sad-making little kindergartener? Find out in the next chapter.**

**Reviews please! Please review! Thank you!**

**Rachie-girl~**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: …..**

**I have a question. Has anyone ever really been sued because they didn't put the disclaimer in their story? That is some really important info that I think I would need to know about.**

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Wichita pulled up to the gas station. Columbus got out with his double-barrel, and headed slowly towards the bathroom. Tallahassee rolled his eyes and followed him. Seeing Columbus be so careful, it inspired her to be extra cautious. She entered slowly, and flicked on the light. Immediately a zombie ran out of the stall (pants still down). She quickly raised the gun, her fingers fumbling slightly, and shot it right in the temple.

Wichita ran inside, "What happened?"

"Zombie in the stall, tried to eat me." She shrugged and headed to the sink. She turned the water on and began to wash her face.

Wichita stood next to her, and opened and closed her mouth like she was trying to think of something to say. It was a bit awkward.

St Louis finally got annoyed with her fish-out-of-water impression, so she told her to just spit it out already.

"Little Rock told me about the picture in you wallet." She said simply. St. Louis instantly became depressed. She looked away. "Do you want to talk about it?" Wichita asked uncertainly.

The answer was no. St. Louis really didn't want to talk about it ever. But she couldn't exactly say no out loud. Wichita barely knew her, yet she was trying to gain her trust, plus she cared enough about her to ask her what was wrong. Trust was a two-way streak, so to earn it you have give it back to them.

"We don't have to talk if you don't want to..." Wichita said, looking slightly crushed. She guessed she had been quiet for longer than she had thought.

"No." she said a bit harshly, then softened her tone, "No. I mean, we should talk."She nodded her head a little at Wichita. "Ummm.....when I was about 21, my dad died. He was a veteran in Iraq. The ironic part was it was his last tour there, he was coming home for good in about 3 months. My mom couldn't take it. It seemed like she was ok, but I could tell she snapped. It turns out she was pregnant. When my sister turned 2, my mom decided she could no longer take it." Her tears began to spill down her cheeks.

"She called me and asked me if I could babysit my sister for a little while. When I got there, I found her in her room, next to an empty bottle of painkillers and a bottle of whisky. There was nothing I could do, she was already gone." She grabbed the sink, her knuckles white as the porcelain she was holding, "I had to raise her all by myself." She looked Wichita in the eye for the first time, "I wasn't ready. I wasn't ready for that much so soon. When the virus hit, I....I lost her. I couldn't take care of her. I promised her I would always be there for her." She began to sob. Wichita pulled her into a hug, stroking her hair and whispering soothing words into her ear.

When St. Louis finished crying, she pulled away. She hadn't cried like that since her mother died, nearly 7 years ago. She had never really vented her problems to anyone before. So this was very new to her. She was the type of person who believed that if you never mentioned it, it never happened. She held firmly to that belief in this situation, swearing to never tell anyone about it ever again.

She wiped her eyes dry, and left the bathroom, not even bothering to check the mirror. She knew she wouldn't like what she saw.

St. Louis got into the car, feeling really depressed. She sat in the backseat, not even bothering to talk to anyone, she just stared out the window.

Columbus didn't know what to make of her quietness. Usually she was insulting Tallahassee, drinking, or talking to Little Rock and Wichita. Today she was just emanating sadness off of her, you could feel it in the air. "So....ummm, why are you heading to St. Louis?"

"Why are you heading to Columbus?" She asked back, not sarcasticly, more like 'I'm really depressed and I really don't care about life right now'.

"Well, I was hoping to find my parents there." He said, leaning back from the front seat to look at her.

"Oh. Well, I left my little sister there with my aunt while I went to California to go to college. As soon as I got my diploma I was going to move back." She could have added more, but she had opened up enough in the bathroom. She felt emotionally drained.

"Is that the little girl in your wallet?" Little Rock asked.

She looked over at Little Rock for a second before answering, "Yeah. She was just turning 5 when I took that picture." She took out her wallet and showed he the picture. "She had the prettiest eyes I've ever seen. They were sky blue, just like my dad's." She shook her head sadly and laughed, "She was the most energetic little girl in the world, always moving, never sitting still. Whenever I took her out in public, I had to strap her into a stroller to keep her from getting away."

She shook her head, and snapped the wallet closed. She sat up straight and looked away from everyone else. She leaned against the window, refusing to cry in front of Tallahassee. But her resolve wasn't that strong. A few tears escaped, and she let them roll down her cheek and into her lap.

Now she just felt numb. She leaned back against the seat and closed her eyes, and just sat there like that. After a while everyone thought she was asleep, and began whispering. She ignored them all, especially Wichita, who was dishing the dirt on their bathroom story time session.

Another half-hour or so and she did fall asleep. But it was different this time. For the first time in 4 years, she didn't have any nightmares. There was no screaming 5 year old or bloody zombies, no feeling like no matter how hard you run, you can't save her. There was nothing, just blackness.

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**I know, kind of depressing, but I'm feeling kind of depressed today. Well, it's 11:30 and I got school tomorrow so, g'night.**

**Rachie-girl~**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: Same as always**

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St. Louis woke up to the sound of a gun shot. She jumped nearly a foot in the air and then fell onto the floor of the car. She struggled for a minute to get back up, but the realized she was stuck. She reached foreward and pulled the latch up, making the seat move.

She let out a sigh of relief and pulled herself onto the seat. She cautiously looked out the window, grabbed a gun, and ran outside. Just as she did, Columbus walked out of the bathroom.

"What the hell was that noi-you have toilet paper on your foot." She sad looking down at his feet. He quickly got it off of his foot, his face turning red. "Umm, anyway. What the hell was that noise?"

"Zombie in the bathroom. I told Tallahassee to be wary of bathrooms, it's rule #3." He said matter-of-factly.

"Rule #3?" She asked arching an eyebrow.

"Yeah. I have this list-" She cut him off.

"I don't mean to be rude or anything but, I'm hungry. And it's cold. So, I'm going to go get something to eat and you can tell me about it in the truck." She smiled at him and went into the gas station. She could tell Tallahassee had already been in there, zombie bits and pieces were all over. She rolled her eyes and walked towards the candy bars, looking for a Hersheys. She found one, but then had to face the dilemma of deciding between milk chocolate, dark chocolate, almond, or cookies'n'cream. Eventually she just pocketed one of each, then walked to the freezers.

She noticed Columbus and Wichita on the counter. They were sitting kind of awkwardly, and that's when it clicked. They were an item! She started laughing so hard, she almost fell to the floor. She quickly grabbed a water and ran outside. Once she got in the van she broke out laughing. Eventually she fell onto the floor again, but this time she didn't get up. She couldn't find a reason as to why she was laughing so much, except the infamous after crying high. You know that feeling you get after you just finished crying, when everything is just so funny and you can't stop laughing, well that's how St. Louis felt.

She leaned against the door and tried to breath, but kept laughing. Unlucky for her, the door opened. She tumbled out and onto the ground and looked up. Tallahassee was standing over her like some big mob boss looking at his next victim. She looked at him for a second, before she burst out laughing again. She grabbed her sides and began to roll around.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asked, lifting an eyebrow. He looked kinda angry.

Although he looked angry, and he was intimidating when he was angry, she couldn't not laugh, "You....your....." she tried speaking, but it just sounded like a whole bunch of pig latin and Italian cuss words. She just couldn't stop and eventually Tallahassee got pissed. He shot his gun and the bullet was only 2 feet away from her head.

She sat up, her laughing mood gone, "WHAT THE HELL TALLAHASSEE?!?! YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME!!" she screamed and jumped up. She swung her gun at him. He dodged it, and laughed, which fueled her anger. She swung her gun again, aiming for his head, which he dodged again, but he wasn't lucky enough to miss her fist as she punched him in the gut. He fell backwards, and she laughed.

By this time Columbus, Wichita and Little Rock decided to join them. Columbus decided to be the 'nice guy' and break up the fight.

"Eye for an eye Tallahassee, we're even." St. Louis said, helping him up.

"Not even close." He said, prompting her to drop down as he tried to punch her. She stood up and pointed her gun at him.

"Come on Tallahassee, you're really going to hit a girl?" She asked, cocking the gun.

"No, I'm going to hit you." He said, pointing his gun at her as well.

"Ouch. Was that supposed to be an insult?" She asked sarcasticly, rolling her eyes.

"Oh come on guys, we have much bigger problems than the fact that you two can't stand each other!" Columbus said.

"Fine." She lowered her gun. Tallahassee did the same. She glared at him for a few seconds before jumping into the passenger's seat. She didn't hear Tallahassee's comment but she knew it had something to with the F-bomb and possibly Twinkies.

Eventually everyone got into the car, with Columbus driving and the rest in the backseat.

After about 10 minutes of completely random awkward silence, St. Louis sighed. "So...Columbus, about that list..." She trailed off suggestively.

"Oh- oh yeah! I made this list-" He took a hand off the wheel and began fumbling around in his pockets in search of the list.

"Woah! Hands on the wheel there kid." She turned the wheel for him, straightening out the car.

"Yeah, sorry." He focused on the road.

"No worries. Just tell me what you remember."

"Ok. I have these rules. For survival, you know?"

"Rules? Like what?"

"Rule #1 Cardio."

"Hmm....I have noticed an unnatural amount of fat Zombies when they first appeared. Ooh, sorry, I interrupted."

"Rule #2 Doubletap. Bad idea to get stingy with the bullets when your not sure if they're really dead." She nodded her head, that was the first thing she learned, fortunately she didn't learn it the hard way.

"Rule #3 Beware of Bathrooms. Good thing I was wary back at the gas station, Tallahassee would've been zombie food." He looked at the older man through the rearview mirror.

"Shut up spitfuck." (A/N: Don't wanna steal that story title, sorry to author)

"Yeah, good thing." She said sarcastically. "Although that is a good rule, they always seem to smell when your at your most vulnerable."

"Rule #4 Seatbelts-"

"Hasn't that always been a rule? Like, even before the zombie's came? Click-it-or-Ticket and all that jazz?" She unconsciously reached over and put her seatbelt on.

"Yeah. But I don't think they had this in mind when they made the law." He motioned to the zombie on the side of the road. It was a girl, maybe 17, enjoying her twin sister.

Columbus slowed the car down.

"Ew. That's so gross." St. Louis averted her eyes. "It makes me sick."

"Me too." Columbus agreed, but he didn't look like she was about to puke like she did.

"It makes me hungry." Tallahassee stated.

St. Louis opened her mouth slightly, raised her eyebrows, and gave him the are-you-f*ckin-kidding-me look.

"Wow, Tallahassee. Just WOW." Sarcasm was heavy on her voice.

He didn't look at her, simply rolled down the window and shot the zombie. Her head sort-of, exploded. I know it sounds gross, but that's basically what it did.

"Just make me lose my lunch why don't ya?" She looked away from the mutilated zombies and down the road.

They drove in another awkward silence, at least the front seat did. The girls in the backseat were busy trying to explain to Tallahassee why the Jonas brothers were considered 'Yummylicious'

"Joe Jonas is definitely the hottest-" Wichita began, but got cut off by her little sister.

"No way! It's totally Nick!"

"Nick? Not a chance! Joe is so much cuter!"

"Yeah! He has the whole hair thing going on! And his voice is-"

St. Louis tuned them out for the time being, and kind of blanked for a few hours. She got stuck in that semi-conscious state you fall into right before sleep, she was too tired to sleep.

It wasn't until the car stopped that she slipped back into reality.

"Why are we stopping?" She asked.

"We're tired, and Tallahassee wants to look for Twinkies." Wichita answered.

"What is it with him and Twinkies?" She shook her head. She looked at the house they were about to enter. It was a farmhouse in the middle of rural Iowa. How the got there, St. Louis had no idea.

"Anyone know if animals can turn zombies too?" She asked, cautiously looking over her shoulders and all around.

"I don't think they can."

"That's a relief." She wiped off the sweat forming on her brow.

"Why?"

"Cause we're in east Jesus nowhere. These people are crazy about animals. I visited my uncle out here once, he had like 4 dogs, untold amounts of cats, and about 200 cows."

"That's nice to know." Tallahassee said that, if you didn't guess that already.

She stared at the house, she felt something similar to nostalgia while looking at it, like she had been there before. She quickly shook the thoughts from her head.

_'All farms look the sa__me.'_ She repeated that to herself about 50 times.

Everyone grabbed a gun, and headed toward the house. She noticed how the older girl sheltered the little one, how the younger boy sheltered the older girl slightly, and how Tallahassee was in front of all of them.

_'This is gonna be interesting.'_

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**Sorry for not uploading. Like my friend Samantha said, I sorta kinda failed miserably at math. But, it's a new trimester! New classes, new people, and, most importantly, brand new grades!**

**So I'm back until I fail math once again.**

**Hoped you like it! Review, and I'll give you a smiley face =].**

**I just saw that movie, Fantastic Mr. Fox, and it was BOSS!!! It wasn't stupid or anything like that, completely funny and awesome and you all should go out there and see it.**

**Sammy123: Bye everyone!!! I'm gonna miss you! **Goes off in corner and starts crying****

**Rachie-girl: She'll be fine. No worries. Unless you don't review! Then she might mysteriously disappear. **Evil laughter**.**

**Enough randomness!**

**BYE EVERYONE!!!**

**Rachie-girl~**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Zombieland or any of its characters. The rest of it is mine.**

**Hello friends! I apologize for not updating in quite some time, I didn't feel the writing flowing through me, so everything I typed sucked.**

**But I hath found inspiration! And thus, this chapter was born.**

**Enjoy!**

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"All farms look the same." St. Louis whispered it to herself over and over, talking quietly so as not to draw attention to herself. "All farms look the same, all farms look the same, All farms look the-"

Something rustled in the bushes.

_Chick-chick, boom!_

The gunshot resounded in the emptiness of everything. The corn rustled; it's overgrown leaves fighting for the fading sunlight, ears of unpicked corn hung heavily to the withering, bug-infected stalks.

"What the hell was that for?" Tallahassee asked, walking over to the bush she had shot.

"It rustled! I panicked! Everyone's seen the zombie movies about people at a farm!" Lame excuse, but, whatever.

"Well good job!You saved us from the killer squirrel." He held up the carcass. It's tail was still twitching. Gross.

"Oops."She shrugged resting the gun on her shoulder. "It could have been worse."

"What, like a zombie squirrel?" He laughed, dangling the squirrel near her face.

"EWW!" Should she smack at it? No, she would get squirrel juice on her hand. Run away!

St. Louis ran and hid behind Columbus.

"Real mature Tallahassee." His voice was half joking half serious.

He threw the squirrel into the corn field.

"That's disgusting! Go wash your hands!" She gestured with her gun towards the house.

He wiped his hands down his jeans. "Eww! That's sooo gross!"

"Stop being such a girl."

"I'm not being a girl! You're being a pig!"

"That really is disgusting." Wichita chimed in, earning a nod from Little Rock.

"Can we just go? I'm cold, and it's dark." St. Louis shivered, running her hands up and down her arms, her light jacket doing nothing to help.

"Let's go." Finally, some seriousness from the cowboy! It was about time!

They followed closely behind him. Tallahassee grabbed the ukulele off his back-St. Louis had no idea where he got it, didn't bother to ask-and played a few notes. Sounded like the beginning of some luau song, if the situation wasn't so depressing, she would have danced to it.

Nothing happened. No one moved, hardly anyone breathed, and there was no movement inside the house.

She was visibly relieved. She didn't know if she could kill someone on a farm, not one that reminded her of her uncles.

_Is it his? _She thought, wandering through the house. It had been years since she had been there, it was when her dad was still home, before Iraq.

Couch, small T.V with antennae, a chair, cow skin rug. It was basically a generic rural home.

One thing that did surprise her though was the computer. It wasn't exactly a dinosaur, although it was far from being new, it seemed to be fine.

"Hmmm..." She clicked the button, bringing the monitor to life. "YES!" She yelled when the screen blinked on.

It was a simple background. Just a monotonous blue. Nothing special. A few icons appeared, Internet, Recycle Bin, and paint.

"Internet, please work." She prayed silently, praying to the Greek gods that the internet would work.

Why the Greek ones you ask? Because they seem like the type who would do this (referring to the whole zombie thing), if any of the gods would choose to do it. The Christian/Catholic god loves all his children, does what he can to protect them while simultaneously giving them free will. He/She wouldn't do this to mankind.

But the Greeks...they were a breed all their own. They were vengeful, lustful, hateful, and all together human. If one of them were insulted by a human or if they decided humans needed to go, they would create something like what was happening. A lightening bolt just wouldn't cut it these days.

Its not like she was blaming the Greek gods. Those were her favorite gods, it's a shame they aren't worshiped anymore. She just didn't know about any other gods or religions, so she didn't have any othe deities to compare them with.

"What are you doing?" Wichita asked, walking up behind her and observing the screen.

"Thinking about the Greek gods."

That wasn't the answer she expected. "Umm, okay. Why?"

"Well, I was thinking...I don't really know much about religions. They only ones I really know about is Christianity and the Greek gods. I already prayed to the Christian god, and that didn't help me much, so I'm switching to the Greek ones."

"Why the Greeks?"

"I don't know much about any of the other god[s], and the Greek gods are awesome, so I choose them."

The teen shrugged, and walked back into the other room.

"Columbus and Little Rock are making dinner, want anything?" She asked over her shoulder.

"Sure! Umm...get me...uh...I don't know what we have. I'll go look myself." She stood up out of the wooden chair. A stretch and a yawn later, she was ready to go make some food.

"Wonder what we have....I'm hungry!" The kitchen was in the next room. It was pretty big. There was a small center island, with a sink taking up most of it.

"What's for dinner?" She didn't listen to the answer, just looked through the various shelves and drawers until she found the makings of pasta.

"THEY HAVE PREGGO!" She yelled, holding the jar up as if it was some sort of trophy, "We get pasta tonight my good friend-lets!"

"Friend-lets?" Little Rock asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"Like piglets, but with the word friend instead." She set a pot of water on the stove, turning it to a little above medium.

"I must warn you now, I haven't the slightest idea of how to cook, so this experience will be an fascinating one."

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**Well, that's it. Short, I know. I'll work on writing longer chapters later.**

**I watched the Blind Side today, it was amazing! Sandra Bullock is a fantastical actress, and I'm going to kick that no good, cheating husband of hers right in the balls if I ever see him!**

**All this talk of food is making me hungry, so, bye!**

**Rachie-girl~**


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